What happens when Life happens

I’m going to write this post with the least amount of deprecation possible. I’m even going to look past the cliché subject title.

The creation of this website is based on the last 3 whirlwind years of my life. I sometimes think they were whirlwind because I’m getting older–and, as the old adage goes, the days go by faster as you get older. But that is not necessarily the case. Here’s why I know.

3 years ago I ended a several year-long relationship. Shortly after that I started another one. A year into the “other” one, my partner and I were still together and he was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin’s lymphoma. There is nothing to describe the feeling of a loved one’s cancer diagnosis. It feels like a life sentence–and it actually is, but for different reasons now.

My partner, Bill, is in remission as of last year and he celebrates every day. Around the same time he went into remission, I got a new job and moved in with him. We still worry about it returning, but we know his oncologist will take every precaution possible. We are still visiting her every 3 months for check-ups.

November last year, Bill and I we were engaged. January of this year, I lost my job.

“Lost” is such a strange way to describe a job. Where did it go? Is it like losing a dog? I’d say it is kind of like losing a dog if you really love it. However, to date, I’ve yet to have a job that I truly love.

If you do what you love, will you really never work a day in your life? I’m pretty cynical, so I can’t say I actually believe it. But now, I have to try.

When I graduated college with my Bachelor’s in English from my dream school, I had set sights on becoming a writer. I pursued English because I love to write, not because I love to read. I enjoy reading, but am admittedly a slow reader which makes tackling masses of novels in a year/semester/quarter, not something I’m especially fond of. I like to savor books slowly like a rich dark chocolate torte. I also like to be out and about, walking. Much like a plein-air artist, I like the idea of walking to a park or a coffee shop, watching the sights around me, listening to conversations or to children playing, then sitting with my thoughts and writing. That experience is like drinking ambrosia to me. I’m intoxicated but I’m fueled. I’m immersed in it all and I love to stew in it.

So here I am, planning a wedding, living rather secretly unemployed. I am grateful every day that Bill loves me and is so supportive. He is supportive of me developing myself and figuring out who I am and what I love. Somewhere in loving others and trying to make a career for myself (which didn’t pan out) I forgot quite a lot about what I love.

Healthily loving things is an act of self-care. Here’s what I know I still do love:

  • Dancing
  • Singing
  • Walking
  • Time in nature
  • Listening to podcasts
  • Listening to audio books
  • Listening to lectures
  • Writing
  • Reflecting
  • Completing projects
  • Solving problems
  • Being organized
  • Pampering (getting a massage, facial, manicure or pedicure, hair done, etc.)
  • Laying in the sunshine
  • Hot showers
  • Eating delicious food
  • Communicating with loved ones

Today I’ve done… maybe 3 of those things. Soon to be 4 as I plan to have sushi for dinner (which Bill and I love).

I want to be able to incorporate more of doing what I love in my life, and not do things just because I think I should. This is my way of doing it.

Yes, my goal is to put it all out there. Let it all hang out. Be real. Go balls to the wind. You know what I’m getting at. This is probably going to get pretty confessional. (Could I possibly become a confessional professional?) If you’re not okay with that, please turn away and hope for a better post next time. If you are, then take my hand… and let’s skip together in the sand.

No further confessions at this time.

May good things come to you always.

I am leaving you with this poem by Max Ehrmann which was recommended to me.Desiderata_Max Ehrmann

 

4 Comments

  1. I can totally relate! I applaud your honesty on this page and the goal to figure out how you want your life to look and stopping with the “shoulds.”
    I also received my Bachelor’s in English and also wanted to be a writer. 🙂

    One step at a time…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for checking out my blog, Carrie! I appreciate your compliments about my honesty. There is still a *lot* more for me to be honest about but, as you said, “One step at a time…” or word, sentence or post. 🙂

      What a coincidence you got your Bachelor’s in English too. I wouldn’t change it, despite the lack of direction I seem to have… or maybe I do have direction, just haven’t had the guts yet. Again, “one step at a time.”

      Like

      1. Just saw this… *selected box to notify me of new comments via email* 🙂

        I wouldn’t change my degree either…well, some days I wish I had studied graphic design or something in the tech field that could bring in the dough. BUT, I don’t regret the days of reading my assigned books outside on campus in the sunshine. I do agree that there was an overload of books and I didn’t get to enjoy them to the fullest/take them in as much as I would have wanted.

        I’m loving your blog. Can’t wait to read more!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Lord, I wish I had the guts to even consider pursuing those fields. I have so many hang-ups regarding technical things and mathematics. The public grade school system I was in didn’t help that either, but it’s probably more of a cultural thing in my family when I think about the bigger picture.

        Reading outside in the sunshine is one of the nicest experiences. Some of my favorite memories from college are climbing up a tree in front of the building my classes were in (it wasn’t very high) if I’d shown up a little early. I was usually trying to talk to squirrels though (not reading like I should’ve been). The squirrels usually flicked their tails and scurried away. Note to self: I am not Dr. Doolittle.

        Thanks so much for reading again! It brings me joy to know you’re enjoying it. 🙂

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s