On: Dreams

I mean actual dreams while sleeping, not dreams that are aspirations.

I tend to have very disturbing dreams. I don’t necessarily wake up screaming, but I’ve been told I talk or sometimes do a form of singing in my sleep. I have the tendency to forget many of them, which is fortunate if they’re disturbing. Sometime in between last night and this morning, however, I had a dream that stuck with me.

In my dream, Bill’s 2 daughters were out visiting, as well as a third one who wasn’t his biological daughter but who he said he happily raised like one. I acknowledged that the third did not resemble him the way his 2 daughters do. I accepted responsibility to watch and entertain them. There were other children present, but they were mostly faceless and characterless. In fact, his daughters were rather characterless most of the time. We were in a room that looked quite a lot like the hotel room I was staying in that night. In that room, there were four types of pianos. There was a grand piano, an upright piano, a baby grand piano and an electric piano. I was trying to decide which piano was the correct one to use for my particular situation, of which I don’t recall the specifics or importance. I was leaning toward deciding on the electric piano and then I awoke.

Bill does have 2 daughters. I’ve never met them–mostly because they do not communicate with Bill. His eldest is an adult and the youngest is going to be 18 next year. Other than that, I don’t know much about them. Which might be why his daughters were rather characterless–because I don’t know them.

I took piano lessons for several years and hated it. My grandparents even bought a baby grand piano so I could practice on it and have lessons at their house. I didn’t like the teacher. He had a thick accent I couldn’t comprehend and his tone always intimidated me. I also loathed practicing. I much preferred trying to learn songs by ear than read music. I’ve admitted I’m slow at reading books. Reading music is like reading another language. That was daunting for my 8-year old mind that simply wanted to appease people by accepting the gift of piano lessons. Also, my grandmother tricked me, as she’d said she would take lessons with me and then backed out of them when I started.

Despite my lack of dedication to piano, I think I know how the pianos in my dream are used for different settings. My voice teacher (yes, I took singing lessons too, but I liked them) used an electric piano. I’ve seen upright pianos at plenty of venues. Grands and baby grands are typically for larger more formal performances. I do, however, like the sound of a Wurlitzer or a Rhodes electric piano almost any time.

So, what does it all mean? I guess that’s for me to decipher (not you). I admit I got a little silly and googled, “Interpret dream about babysitting.” The result, “To dream that you are babysitting suggests that you need to care for the child within yourself.” This result resonates.

I’ve been listening to Personality Hacker’s podcasts for a few years now and listened to an episode the day before my dream regarding the Personality Cognitive Function Stack for Myers-Briggs, which the hosts refer to as the “car model.” This model talks about “10-year old” tertiary functions and “3-year old” inferior processes. After this deeper detailed podcast I think I’m finally understanding that certain parts of my personality are actually less mature. I’m still learning about how they appear. My overall grasp of the concept is that those processes are functioning from the maturity level of a 10-year old and a 3-year old. So, if the personality tests (via Personality Hacker and other sites) I’ve taken are correct, as an INFJ my 3-year old is Extraverted Sensing and my 10-year old is Introverted Thinking. Their website indicates that Extraverted Sensing could indicateĀ  my type is prone to sensory overindulgence and that Introverted Thinking is prone to perfectionism. They use addiction as an example of sensory overindulgence. I don’t completely relate to that suggestion, but I would say that I can become easily distracted. Also, I’ve spoken about my perfectionism at length in previous posts, so we can agree that I relate to that aspect.

It was also uncanny that, out of the blue the morning after my dream, my friend repeated a quote to me about feeling better in life when she asks herself what her 5-year old self needs. This is very possibly my Introverted Intuition talking, as that part of me looks for connections or hidden meanings. Actually, this whole post is my Introverted Intuition talking! How’s that for an epiphany?

So what’s with Bill’s third non-biological daughter? This may be where my interpretation gets a little twisted, but not really. Since I’ve been out of work, I’ve felt “taken care of” in that I’m not financially responsible for myself right now. Because of this, I believe she represents me. My dream eventually transitioned to me as I am now, looking at my piano assortment, which is what I’m doing and have been doing for months. I’m in a self-development phase, yes. I’m in the midst of recognizing and owning what my real tools are, and my understanding of their appropriate use. Tools are instruments, as are pianos.

Was I obsessing about their appropriate use? Was my perfectionism starting to show? I won’t doubt it. But I’ll have to keep dreaming to figure it out.

 

May good things come to you always.

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